Too stressed?
The long weekend was well timed. My light in the tunnel, my water in the desert, my coming home to a kitchen full of fresh baked buns and my only concern was how many I could swallow and how quick. Life before the weekend had consisted of a large and steady dose of the verbs to work, travel, clean, clear, pack, carry, move. Too stressed?
We live in a time when we almost become stressed by the requirement that one must not become stressed. When newspapers do not write about scandals (very rarely), they put headers such as “How wound up are you?” “What country is the most stressed in the world?” And “How dangerous is your stress?” The funny thing is that the next few pages almost always include “How to arrange the perfect party.” Create your dream home. “” Treat the family on a trip to the Seychelles (or somewhere else insanely expensive). Stressed?
Dan Hanson, a well-known Swedish researcher on stress says that it is not unhealthy in itself to rush – if the stress is moderate, regular, and if you get enough recovery.
Before our training, we measure the stress level on our participants on a 0-10 scale where 0 is no stress and 10 is very high stress. In the Nordic countries the stress level is more than 7 in average. Participants describe their situation as very stressful, that they have too many emails, constant interruptions, lots of ad hoc and too much or a little (!) information. Occasionally, participants indicate a very low stress figure and the next line is: “I have not enough to do and it’s very stressful.”
After completion of training the stress level is in average just below 5. The participants describe that they are in control of life again, that they feel good about themselves and in control of their time. The interesting thing is that none put 0 as a stress level after the training and that it is not even desirable.
My loved one reckoned that I would break down the last weekend before our moving together. And perhaps that is why I did not. But I was about to give him right when my cleaning lady called in sick. “Uh, ok, can you please send someone else from the company ?” “Sure, next week?” “Thanks, but the house will have new residents by then.”
It was so absurdly wrong in my calendar that I almost laughed. Change of plans. Equipped with scrubbing brushes and an mp3 player filled with a delightful Swedish book from one of our greatest comedians, “I refuse to die curious.” I cleaned the whole house in 5 laugh-filled hours. The warm funny comedian kept me in a good mood with anecdotes from her life. I did not want to stop cleaning.
She told a story about how she had been training hard with one of her dogs to run for a certification. On D-day the dog had got wind of something wild and run off on other adventures. She became insanely angry thinking of all the training hours being totally wasted.She rapidly pushed the beast into the car and drove away, afraid she would choke it in front of the whole dog community.
What is it that makes us behave like this?
At this point I think we have all read about how stress is the body’s ancient reaction to survive, either by running away from an attacker or fighting. The muscles become tense and the immune system is activated when the stress hormones, including adrenaline, pump out. For a Stone Age man this was necessary for survival. A short-term stress peak and when the danger was over, the body returned to its normal state.
The problem today is that we neither flee nor fight, and the reaction to stress stays within. It does not help to throw irritated glances at the man in the store that is too slow with his wallet, to scream or honk the horn at the motorist in front of us who do not understand how to use a flasher or running mile after mile when we get home.
The reason it does not help is because should we get a quick relief from that, we immediately begin to worry again. “Why did I do that?” “Now I have far too many meetings and will not have time to work on the forecast.” “Was I to pick up the kids tomorrow?” “I must send in the time report.” In our head we go through the problems of yesterday and those of tomorrow and acknowledge danger after danger until the adrenaline is activated and booming again.
Are there better ways to manage stress in your everyday life?
Oh yeah, one basic tip when it is stressful is to breathe slowly and deeply.
It sounds simple? Too easy?
Be specific – Write it down
Do not try to handle any problems in your head. It is difficult to get an overview on the amount and they may be perceived as more stressful than they really are. Write them down so they become concrete, and you may find it easier to come up with constructive solutions.
Stress occurs when we feel that we have no control over the situation. By putting it in writing, you experience it more controllable.
How would someone else solve it?
Your attitude is important in stress management and problem resolution. One trick is to look at the problem from a different perspective. What would a wise friend or mentor do to solve the problem? Or look at the issues from a humorous perspective.
This way you will go out of your habitual ways of thinking and can find new, creative approaches.
20-seconds-by-the-door
Dan Hanson, known for his research on stress describes in one of his book a fairly common scenario. You come home, tired after a long workday. You may need to vent your thoughts and feelings. You crash through the front door and meet your unsuspecting partner and say: “You cannot imagine the horrible day I had today …” (usually we do not even ask our partner if he or she has the time or inclination to listen).
Three different scenarios can occur:
1st Your partner listens and everything is hunky-dory. (You may have seen it on film?)
2nd Your partner is “half listening” and it may be okay, but somewhat put you all in a pressed mood the rest of the evening.
3rd Your partner does not listen at all that and the atmosphere can be very tense and unpleasant the rest of the evening.
The Twenty-second-by-the-door-exercise can counteract this situation and tend to create immediate effects.
1st Before going through the front door, stop and take some deep breaths to calm down.
2nd Now think of something that makes you happy. It can be anything. If you cannot think of something from real life, fantasize about something.
3rd When you feel really happy, open the door and enter.
What do you think would be different? What if that little exercise would change the atmosphere not only for yourself but for your family and your children? A funny thought that one person could affect a whole group in a positive way? If you think it sounds quite unreasonable, consider how many you know who can do the opposite…
I wish you a sweet summer weekend,
Petra Brask
“It is not unhealthy to work too much, but it is unhealthy to rest too little.”
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