stress
Too stressed?
The long weekend was well timed. My light in the tunnel, my water in the desert, my coming home to a kitchen full of fresh baked buns and my only concern was how many I could swallow and how quick. Life before the weekend had consisted of a large and steady dose of the verbs to work, travel, clean, clear, pack, carry, move. Too stressed?
We live in a time when we almost become stressed by the requirement that one must not become stressed. When newspapers do not write about scandals (very rarely), they put headers such as “How wound up are you?” “What country is the most stressed in the world?” And “How dangerous is your stress?” The funny thing is that the next few pages almost always include “How to arrange the perfect party.” Create your dream home. “” Treat the family on a trip to the Seychelles (or somewhere else insanely expensive). Stressed?
Dan Hanson, a well-known Swedish researcher on stress says that it is not unhealthy in itself to rush – if the stress is moderate, regular, and if you get enough recovery.
Before our training, we measure the stress level on our participants on a 0-10 scale where 0 is no stress and 10 is very high stress. In the Nordic countries the stress level is more than 7 in average. Participants describe their situation as very stressful, that they have too many emails, constant interruptions, lots of ad hoc and too much or a little (!) information. Occasionally, participants indicate a very low stress figure and the next line is: “I have not enough to do and it’s very stressful.”
After completion of training the stress level is in average just below 5. The participants describe that they are in control of life again, that they feel good about themselves and in control of their time. The interesting thing is that none put 0 as a stress level after the training and that it is not even desirable.
My loved one reckoned that I would break down the last weekend before our moving together. And perhaps that is why I did not. But I was about to give him right when my cleaning lady called in sick. “Uh, ok, can you please send someone else from the company ?” “Sure, next week?” “Thanks, but the house will have new residents by then.”
It was so absurdly wrong in my calendar that I almost laughed. Change of plans. Equipped with scrubbing brushes and an mp3 player filled with a delightful Swedish book from one of our greatest comedians, “I refuse to die curious.” I cleaned the whole house in 5 laugh-filled hours. The warm funny comedian kept me in a good mood with anecdotes from her life. I did not want to stop cleaning.
She told a story about how she had been training hard with one of her dogs to run for a certification. On D-day the dog had got wind of something wild and run off on other adventures. She became insanely angry thinking of all the training hours being totally wasted.She rapidly pushed the beast into the car and drove away, afraid she would choke it in front of the whole dog community.
What is it that makes us behave like this?
At this point I think we have all read about how stress is the body’s ancient reaction to survive, either by running away from an attacker or fighting. The muscles become tense and the immune system is activated when the stress hormones, including adrenaline, pump out. For a Stone Age man this was necessary for survival. A short-term stress peak and when the danger was over, the body returned to its normal state.
The problem today is that we neither flee nor fight, and the reaction to stress stays within. It does not help to throw irritated glances at the man in the store that is too slow with his wallet, to scream or honk the horn at the motorist in front of us who do not understand how to use a flasher or running mile after mile when we get home.
The reason it does not help is because should we get a quick relief from that, we immediately begin to worry again. “Why did I do that?” “Now I have far too many meetings and will not have time to work on the forecast.” “Was I to pick up the kids tomorrow?” “I must send in the time report.” In our head we go through the problems of yesterday and those of tomorrow and acknowledge danger after danger until the adrenaline is activated and booming again.
Are there better ways to manage stress in your everyday life?
Oh yeah, one basic tip when it is stressful is to breathe slowly and deeply.
It sounds simple? Too easy?
Be specific – Write it down
Do not try to handle any problems in your head. It is difficult to get an overview on the amount and they may be perceived as more stressful than they really are. Write them down so they become concrete, and you may find it easier to come up with constructive solutions.
Stress occurs when we feel that we have no control over the situation. By putting it in writing, you experience it more controllable.
How would someone else solve it?
Your attitude is important in stress management and problem resolution. One trick is to look at the problem from a different perspective. What would a wise friend or mentor do to solve the problem? Or look at the issues from a humorous perspective.
This way you will go out of your habitual ways of thinking and can find new, creative approaches.
20-seconds-by-the-door
Dan Hanson, known for his research on stress describes in one of his book a fairly common scenario. You come home, tired after a long workday. You may need to vent your thoughts and feelings. You crash through the front door and meet your unsuspecting partner and say: “You cannot imagine the horrible day I had today …” (usually we do not even ask our partner if he or she has the time or inclination to listen).
Three different scenarios can occur:
1st Your partner listens and everything is hunky-dory. (You may have seen it on film?)
2nd Your partner is “half listening” and it may be okay, but somewhat put you all in a pressed mood the rest of the evening.
3rd Your partner does not listen at all that and the atmosphere can be very tense and unpleasant the rest of the evening.
The Twenty-second-by-the-door-exercise can counteract this situation and tend to create immediate effects.
1st Before going through the front door, stop and take some deep breaths to calm down.
2nd Now think of something that makes you happy. It can be anything. If you cannot think of something from real life, fantasize about something.
3rd When you feel really happy, open the door and enter.
What do you think would be different? What if that little exercise would change the atmosphere not only for yourself but for your family and your children? A funny thought that one person could affect a whole group in a positive way? If you think it sounds quite unreasonable, consider how many you know who can do the opposite…
I wish you a sweet summer weekend,
Petra Brask
“It is not unhealthy to work too much, but it is unhealthy to rest too little.”
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )The overflowing brain
“You have just entered a room, presumably to look for something, but you’re not really sure why you’re there, you stare straight into the wall and try to remember.”
In his book named “The Overflowing Brain – Information Overload and the Limits of Working Memory” Torkel Klingberg, professor of cognitive neuroscience, gives us the answers to many questions about what happens in the brain when you are disturbed by your cell phone? When you try to do three things at once? When there is an abundance of information?
“It is no longer the technology that limits us, but our own brain capacity.” he says in his book.
I can only agree that this is where I find the biggest mess among my participants these days. When I started working with efficiency 15 years ago, I rolled up my sleeves and dug into large stacks of paper helping people who sat trembling with tears in their eyes and saying “I can not stand this anymore, there’s something wrong.” They had all the symptoms of stress. Talented professionals who found it difficult to say no and had no limitation on how much they could work.
Today, I meet well-educated, experienced people with a fairly clean workplace and a mini-computer that stares at me with confusion and wonder “Should it be like this? Why do I never have enough time for everything? ”
When I ask my participants to measure how often they are interrupted, their average is every 8 minutes. The thing is that it takes more than 7 minutes to get down into deep concentration. An equation that is difficult. People who work with their computer has an average of eight different windows open at once.
My participants tell stories about how they are at work at eight on Monday morning and go through hundreds of e-mails. “At ten o’clock, I am still not finished with the e-mail, but begin to make a presentation to the meeting and read through some of my colleagues ideas for the meeting. Five minutes into the presentation, I am interrupted by a colleague seeking advice on buying a new mobile phone. We search through the internet for different options, I ignore my own ringing cell phone. My colleague answers hers, which has an annoying ringtone and I’m trying desperately to find the email which the caller refers to. As she continues talking I delete some emails while listening and this order of working continues until I go home on Friday and wonder what I actually did this week? “
This is a very common experience. Researchers confirm that the constant distractions buzzing like mosquitos around us are making it difficult to concentrate on what we should do. The information flow increases and with it, the demand for what we are expected to know, but also the requirements of what we are expected to ignore (open offices).
A participant in the beginning of the week suddenly became very angry for not having received training in time management earlier. “I’m just back from being sick for a long time and now works half-time. What I wonder is why I have not learned these tools to manage my work and all the flow of information before I got sick? “
Her boss admitted towards the end of the day that he had thought about cancelling the training. “You know, Petra, I have been to so many training that did not give me anything useful or were of no benefit to my work. But this was really great. “
I might be lucky enough to encounter very nice students, but in my mission to help people out of the information stress that technology can create if we do not learn how to handle the technique, it feels good to have saved some souls again this week.
Now it is time for my weekend and to see if my little angels at home are receptive for some new knowledge. Like picking up laundry from the floor, setting the table and put dishes into the dishwasher. I do not know what it is like in your home, but isn’t it easier to do your mission at work?
Happy weekend,
Petra
“Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.”
Ambrose Bierce
Stress – when expectations exceeds your ability
“Petra, we are stressed! Why is that?” The manager in her late 50ies with curly, grey hair looks me straight into my eyes during the break on one of my trainings this week.
I am sure your work is important to you as it (sometimes) satisfies a need to show your abilities, give you a meaning, a sense of achievement. But it may also be a risk that the demands and expectations you have on yourself are higher than your resources and your ability?
The Swedish stress researcher Aleksander Perski defines stress as an imbalance between the demands and your personal resources. What is stressful for one person may not be so for another.
Aaron Antonovsky, medical sociologist, emphasized that the individual’s sense of coherence in life will determine the impact of stressful events for her or him.
“It feels like I have a thousand things in my head and I just do not know how to handle it. Even while listening to you I keep repeating to myself all the other things I need to fix today. And I am not the only one!” The manager is now talking so fast she almost lacks air.
Having an imbalance sometimes is one thing, but when it becomes the norm and normality … there is a risk of negative consequences. Ask yourself if this is the way you want it? Is it worth it? If not, which area would give you the greatest profit if you were to change it?
Think about how you can keep up with your career and still find time to do what you need to do at home, spending time with your family, enjoying some kind of social life and simply relax. Without risking your personal relationships, your development as a person, your sanity…
Make realistic plans
The more you try to juggle your work, the more important it is to make a good plan to keep a balance on your 24 hours daily. Add margins, preparation, follow-up work, breaks and interruptions. Time spent with family, friends and your own time should be just as respected as the time you spend at work.
Organize
There are funnier things in life than working evenings and weekends, just because you did not get things done during work hours. Organize your time in relation to your most important tasks. Save the information you need, so you can find it easily when you need it (get rid off what you do not need, we go back to about 5% of what we save … ever…)
Do it Now
There is no time as Now time. Finish what you can while you are at it. Stop procrastinating or putting things off for later.
Free your mind
Instead of having a horrible list to go through in your mind over and over again … Write it down in one place where you can get an overview and stop spending time worrying about forgetting things. Tick off the list over time and become mentally stronger by the process.
It’s not perfect – it’s OK
I have participants that designate a certain time to do a job, e.g. one hour. Even if the job could be improved after the deadline, they finish the task. By doing the job on time, you reduce the stress for both you and others who are waiting for delivery.
The conference in the sun at Malta last weekend, with many wonderful participants, good laughs and sailing in the Mediterranean did wonders for my soul and I feel ready for autumn adventures. Still I am looking forward to finish my Friday with my weekly planning and go home and enjoy some family time.
I wish you a nice weekend
Petra
“When all is said and done, all roads lead to the same destination. Then it makes little difference which path you take, the important thing is how you take it. “
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Definition of a good job
This week a manager called me with her head filled with concern over not doing a good job. “I thought being on vacation would have helped, but I have been awake the whole night thinking about work…”
Worrying about work seems to take more time than ever. In U.S the average worker spends 55 hours per week at work. In Europe a 40-hour work week has been the norm… on paper… but e-mail, text message, mobile phones and access to work at home and on our holidays keep us tied to the office even when we technically should be “off-duty”.
“… After just three weeks, I have such a bad conscience about not doing enough either at home or at work … and it feels like I don’t contribute … or at least that I am not being appreciated for what I do …” she hesitates, thinking, then she says in her soft northern accent “I know I can never be like my boss, so capable, so appreciated, and my colleague who is so good at expressing herself, but .. I don’t know, Petra, I just want to feel that I am doing a good job. Is that so suprising? ”
No, it is not surprising. But the definition of a good job is … Your definition is about a comparison with many others …
He is so good at this, and she works so well with that, Jane said something clever and Anna is great with numbers. In your mind you add up what each person one by one is so good at and putting it together makes the sum of Superman = not you, not anyone..
There are certainly one or more things that you are good at also. Am I being too clear if I say it is an unfair comparison to others’ combined talents? Not even Mother Teresa would have managed that.
I often ask my participants to give examples of when they have had a great week at work and at home, and tips on how to create it more often (there is an enormous power in making your own conclusions). Below are some of their responses along with my experience, which I hope will inspire you to create a healthy attitude towards yourself and your own performance:
1st Your attitude
No matter how much you love your job, no matter how big a part of your life you are willing to let it take, it is ultimately up to you to “turn off” and choose to enjoy your leisure time. Your brain is not designed to always be on “alert”.
2nd Learn to say “No”
If you have problems to keep up with everything going on in your life, you may have given away more of your time than you had? Check with your calendar before answering.
3rd Enjoy free time
Sometimes we can be distressed by all the bookings and to do lists… to the degree that we stop planning and making lists (ironic but unfortunately far too common …). Make sure to also have a completely list free day and enjoy just taking things as they come.
4th Keep communication open
Let your friends know what’s happening in your working life when things get hectic. But keep ears and eyes open for what they say too. If your partner, your friends or your children start to complain – or say that you work too much – listen to them. They are usually better at reading your behaviour than you are …
5th Be honest with yourself
This is the hardest, but also the most necessary. During your weekly reflection, you should ask yourself “Is this the way I want it?” And follow up by reviewing how you manage to create balance in your 24 hours daily. Be honest – this is your life we’re talking about.
“I appreciate that I could call you.” I hear how she, at last … let go of her tensions with a sigh of relief … after half an hour’s conversation … the time it took for her to realize, herself, that she had been her own worst energy leakage (and time thief). “It’s as if my brain is the worst terrorist. When I am stressed, I repeat negative things about myself, when all I want and need is the encouragement and hearing that I do a good job. ”
What if we can not sit and wait for the boss, colleague or partner to wake up from their slumber and give us the confirmation we need? What if it is easier than that? How would you feel having that power yourself?
It is a great feeling though knowing that you can easily – with a simple positive (and honest of course) feedback – silence someone else’s “terrorist” and believe me, we all live with one in our head from time to time…
I wish you a wonderful rewarding weekend with lots of appreciation,
Petra
“It may be easier to give than to receive and when you give a lot, you receive a lot.”
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )A good night’s sleep
“Frankly, I am just happy if I can manage not to feel bored today.”
A Spanish talking man in his 30ies with dark wavy hair and deep blue eyes glanced at me and gave me a deep sigh as he expressed his lack of expectations for the time management training. He looked tired.
This week I have visited one of my favourite clients in one of my favourite cities.
The view from the UN office in Copenhagen is just breathtakingly beautiful and the passion and commitment of the good-hearted people, from all over the world, who are working there welcome me warmly, happy to see me again.
The scepticism from their new colleagues, however, can almost be felt in the air as they enter the large conference room and with hesitations start to deliver some of their expectations. You do not have to be a mind reader to know their faces tell me they would rather be in the office working on their to-do lists.
A journalist at the Swedish business magazine CFOworld called me in the beginning of the week wanting to do an interview. They had made a research on their readers asking what their number one reason for not being able to sleep is. Guess what?
It is worrying about lack of time.
No wonder. According to research the information flow is increasing with 25% each year and you spend 80% of your time reading information you already knew or could care less for.
The journalist asked me if I thought that stress is something we have invented this decade.
Honestly, no. We have not invented stress.
Stress is a perfectly normal reaction when you believe yourself to have more to do than you could possibly handle. Your whole body protests when your expectations far beyond exceed your capability.
I am not saying that what you believe to be true – necessarily is the truth.
People need help organizing their time and evaluating what they best can use it for. Your planning tools are to be used realistically and help you sort out everything you try to keep in your head, on your post-it notes, in your note book or in your e-mail. When you make one to-do list that you prioritize according to what your one calendar allows you to – you will be able to stay sleepless over other things than work.
Considering that your life is happening here and now, wouldn’t it be great to actually have time participating in it?
By the end of the day I asked my Spanish-talking participant if I had fulfilled his expectations and managed not to bore him. He smiled and looked almost embarrassed but also a bit surprised. “I must admit that you have given me far more tools than I ever realized I needed and I am looking forward to the individual coaching tomorrow.” He looked happy when he with an energized walk left the conference room talking to a colleague about how he was going to organize all the images of his wife and daughter from their summer vacation together”
Wish you all a fantastic week-end and hope you have time for it,
Petra
“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin–real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life”
Alfred D. Souza
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )
Petra Brask & Partners' Blog 